looking for who i am

We all change during adolescence; we need to test everything in order to find who we are. This post is my reflection of one of my inner monologue about the subject.

I'm actually listening to Currents from Tame Impala and omg, this band is so inspiring! I would love to see them in concert. But that's not what I wanted to speak about. I'm in a big phase of looking for who I am. Indeed, I absolutely don't know who I am, isn't it funny? I think that everybody has to go through this life transition sooner or later..

It all began with music; I've got myself a kind of music - indie and rock - and I felt that I found something special - something I find myself in it. It gave me the feeling of having an identity. I wouldn't say I'm a big rocker but the kind of music I listen to is part of my personality and I had the feeling that it characterized me even if thousands and thousands persons listen to the same things as me. Maybe my taste in music will change, maybe not. I don't know but it's a thing that helps me to identify me and that's good enough for me.

The seconde thing which helps me are clothes. I think that this is the thing who changed the most on me this past two years. Before, I was content to buy fashionable clothes and wear them. But then I watched American Horror Story for the first time two years ago during summer and I've fell in love with Violet's hat in season one. I figured I had to have the same for the first day of school in September. So I bought one a little bit different but it didn't matter. I was wearing it the most of the time and I was totally in love with it - and I'm still! I felt like 'the girl who wears a hat' you see. This same year, I started wearing a lot of skirts: I've found them so cute! Then, when I got into high school, I was amazed that everyone was wearing the same clothes; same sneakers, same bombers.. I decided I will be original as much as possible. I drew inspiration on a lot of Instagram accounts. Now, I'm addicted to high socks, my mum's old shirts and high-waisted swimwears. At the end of the school year, I dyed my hair in purple and guess what? One of my friend dyed exactly the same color on her hair.

And here is what it is all about. I don't want to sound like an idiot but when someone does something you only do, it bothers you a little. Because from that moment, this thing you did isn't your characteristic anymore.

I feel like a little bit stupid to think that.. Because in the end, everyone is unique and doesn't need any stuff to stand out from others. Certainly, it is not always good to do what everyone else but everybody can test, wear, listen to what he/she wants. We - teenagers - are all on the looking for who we are.

Out of music and clothes, I'm totally lost. When someone asks me to define me in three words, I stay quiet. Naturally, I know the main things like I have got a shity character but otherwise, I'm still searching myself. Lana Del Rey is singing America now and it makes me so nostalgic. We change a lot during adolescence, especially our opinions and our view of the world so if you ask me, being completely lost and confuse during teenage years is normal. There are some things like our kind of music or our style we find when we're young but I'm sure that we'll discover some things later about us we didn't know, when we'll be old. Life is just a big everyday-lesson. And I'll stop this blogpost here because I'm becoming too much philosophical.

Tell me what do you think about this subject. It interests me a lot! x

Valerie

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